Friends and lovers

"Where do you manage to find these guys?" asked my best friend and my quick response was "in the dark alleys, that's where we find each other, brace yourself 'cos there's more to come"

I'm not at all surprised that she asked me so bluntly because I, sometimes, judging by the kind of guys that I have 'associated' with, am also surprised beyond believe and ask myself why and how I end up with such kinds.

Let me lay my case on the table…look at the kind of guys that have come and gone from my life.

 No matter how hard  I try to steer my way out from such types, I somehow end up with the insecure, insensitive, pathological  lying scumbags .

In comparison, what would be worse, the insensitive one or the insecure,or the pathological lying scumbag? I have dated all of them and sometimes all of these traits and even some more that i haven't mentioned, would be lodged in one single human entity. Talk about a  handful!! So given my level of experience and expertise , it would be fair enough to presume that I would be able 'detect' such kind of guys even from a mile away and find an escape route asap!! Negative, I fail miserably on that. No matter how much I promise and warn myself that 'no more, arenla, no more drama in your life", sigh..still I fall and fail, still I fall and fail…

 "You thrive on  drama, you wouldn’t be able to function properly without such drama in your life" remarked one of my best friends . I couldn’t help  but burst into laughter because subconsciously, I knew damn well that she was right in every way. Why, because the dating graph proves it, the trends are evident in the facts. The fact remains that somehow I get drawn to their darker facade. Most women have a thing for  the bad guys, some for the safe mamas boys and for girls like me, I subconsciously go for the broken, damaged goods. (pun intended)   And after thinking it through over and over, the only logical explanation I can give to myself and to anyone who asks or wonders, is this- Maybe in some deep level, I somehow can relate to them, understand and empathize what they are going through, for maybe in certain levels I see myself in them. In most cases , it holds true . For instance, one of them had been in similar predicaments as mine and  was as confused and stuck as I was. And you bet, when you find even a teeny- weeny bit of a common ground for you to stand with that person, you say to yourself..OMG!!! this is too good to be true, this is too real and without a thought, you're already into the same place you promised never to be in.   Instead of finding solutions, the two of us  ended up drowning each other and sunk into more misery. The perfect combo.

Looking back,  not all of them were as bad as one would expect them to be. Ironically, some of these guys helped me understand myself and see me for who I really am which most people tried but couldn't manage to do so. Would I go back, given a choice, and erase some of them from my past? Hmmmm… maybe some but not all  for I believe that you become who you are because of your past and what you have gone through. Turns out, some of the men who came into my life happen to be some of my good friends today. In some of them, I lost a lover but found a friend who knew me well enough and understood me. So here it is, the verdict- insecure, insensitive,pathological lying scumbags will never make good boyfriends, they are better off as friends. Everyone's perfect in their imperfections and I certainly have a weak spot for perfectly imperfect ones. They are my imperfect perfect ones.

No matter how much I complain about the kind of predicaments and people that I am stuck with, when I look back  , its not all bad, for as clichéd as it sounds, "everything's fair in love and war".