some random stuff i wrote over the years......

REUNION....................... '05

The crimson evening lit up and painted the grey sky
With multi-colored shades of pink ,indigo, yellow and orange

This July evening
We watch the summer sun hide shyly behind the hazy clouds.

Darkness descends,
Lights fade out,

Stars lit up the ebony sky,
The dark mysterious night embraces the silver moon…

There has been countless nights like this
But tonight, on this July evening
Beneath the star-lit ebony sky,
I have you beside me,
trying to find the man I once held
and called my own.

 tomorrow, these arms would be empty,
Tomorrow you'd be gone,

Tomorrow our worlds separate,
For tomorrow your world
will belong to her.




UNTITLED..................... '07

 Grow old with me...
when our shadows grow taller than us,
when the grey merges with the black,
when the lines on our faces tells the tales of where we've been,
when time no longer sits leisurely on the table,
when everyone leaves and all we have left is you, me and the empty house,
you will still find me, a lil' worn out and shabby,
yet it will still be me,
still the same old, silly, girl you met years ago...
grow old with me, my love,
grow old with for its you my heart has chosen....


CONVERSATIONS..........'05

Let's not talk about the past,
lets not reminisce,
lets not wake up wounded spirits
from their  slumber,
lets not kiss and make up,
lets not pretend and shut away the world
we knew back then,
lets not talk about us,
lets not talk about her.

FEBRUARY 29, 2004.....................

I've counted the days,
lying on this empty expectant bed,
listening to the deafening ticking of the clock
tick, tock, tick tock....

your white cotton shirt still hangs inside the closet
a permanent, indispensable object,
its cheap, stale cologne instilling senses into my brain,
senses familiar to me,
invoking a raging fury in me.

the photographs and the wedding band
lying inside the dark, dingy cabinet
waiting for its cue to emerge.

 the red crossed out marks
for each day that you have been away
awaits for an explanation from you.

i stare blankly at the nakedness of my lone shadow
and the emptiness of my reflection in the mirror

time has stood still
nothing has changed......

the new takes over the old

"Its surprising how the grey merges into the white

And all that was hazier

Than a dream becomes brighter

 than reality itself

How two lives touch

Beginning only with peripheries

Then slowly one gets etched onto the other.

Its surprising how miracles takes place

Cant a miracle be called the labour of love?"

Anonymous

For anyone who's ever been in love and lost the one you love, we all know how much of the  pain we go through takes away every being in us. The fact that you have to face life and the reality without the one you love is heart wrenching. But to all those who have been in love and lost love, who thinks that there can be no one other than that person and that you will never be able to love again, let me tell you this - love happens.

And when it does finally happens, you will look back and thank that person for choosing to walk out of your life or you would have never met that wonderful God sent person who is meant for you. You would have never known what real love is really like and how it feels to be loved and not just to love. Be thankful that you have been heart broken before or else you would never how wonderful it feels to be healed. Be thankful that you've tasted the bitterness of your heart being ripped apart into pieces or you would never know how sweet and good it is to have your heart held in someone's loving care. Be thankful for all the tears that you have shed because then only you will realise how good it feels to hear your laughter again.

A year ago, when one of my best friends  met the man of her dreams who would become her husband, I envied her happiness and so wanted a fairy tale ending like hers. She, like me, had also gone through the heartaches and I have seen her heart being ripped apart by someone she loved. Today, a year later, I see her so much in love with her husband and feels the world for her and the happiness she has found. Her life and her eventuality of life inspired me and somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew that the heart does heal and loves again. I thank her for the inspiration.

I've been down the dumps and never thought I'd be able to stand up, thought that I'd never find love again or have the ability to love someone again. Then one fine day, it happened and I believe that this is just the beginning of the best things that are in store for me. Its good to love again and be loved. And the new does take over the old. I tell this again, have faith, patience and keep believing in love. 

I did, and it happened.

you,silly me and the plum blossoms :)

The plum blossoms in full bloom

 never appeared more pretty

Silly me still smiles

The smile's  stretched widely across my face

A soothing reminder of how much of "you's"

Has finally taken over my "me's"

There's a plethora of affections coming my way

 I admit I love every bit of it

I love how much of you loves all of me

I am falling

Into a place that had  abandoned me before

And I admit again,

I'm getting comfortable here.

Darn, blame it on the plum blossoms

They got too pretty this time around….. :)

Silly Me :)

Thank you for the lilies  and the sunshine

The pansies and the roses are yet to bloom

But for now I'm happy with the color and the sunshine

Thank you for putting in a new tune in my ear

The melody seems soothing

My toes are yet to feel the tingle

But for now I'm happy snapping my fingers

Thank you for the  sweet, brief  dashes of 'you'

In my every moments

I am yet to wrap you up in all of them

But for now I'm happy there is a 'you' in my 'me'

And silly me just smiles

 even at the mere thought of you :) 

you, me, moods, seasons

  One moment you make me laugh

 in sheer abandonment, 

the next you wash your linens

 with my tears…

        summer

You are always there

In a sigh

In a laugh

In a cry

        autumn

You are still there

In every song

In every story

In every building

In every street

          winter

A constant battle I rage inside me

 a war against your memory

they come as thousand marching soldiers

Some days I win, some days I loose

           spring

Unwritten……………

chicken-chilly to salad

"you change your mind like a girl changes clothes

Yeah, you pms like a bitch, I would know

You're hot then you're cold, you're in then you're out…."

hot and cold-Katy Perry

The first time I heard this song, I couldn’t believe my ears because I have been through this kinda hell and back a million times before. I thought to myself after listening to it, I'm not the only one in the world!!

just few days ago, I was in for a surprise when I got a call from one of my bffs (she might kill me for blogging about this , but on my defense, this is for general awareness)  about some issues she had with a guy, who apparently started acting like a typical jerk.

I'm pretty certain that there are at least three out of five women out there who has experienced being wooed by a guy, acting how much he is into you and all that jazz and next thing you know, he's totally turned into a vegetable, incapable of displaying any sign of emotions. Some days he is calling you up, sweet talking you in his honey-coated tongue but some days he just shuts down, talking to you as if you were just a 'face in the crowd'. Some days he is hot as lava and the next, he is as cold as the Siberian desert. Some days he simply ignores your calls, never bothering to call back, but when he wants to talk, there is no wrong time for him, he calls you at odd hours and expects you to attend them. Imagine calling him at odd hours, he'll be too sleepy to even say hello or will be too busy to talk to you even during normal hours.


something marginally  close to that happened to my bff, and so she she decides to call up the one person who is perpetually on the receiving end of the spectrum. My call of vindication, came from her cry "now I know what you have to go through every now and then". But although she called me up, I wasn’t confident or in a position to give her any worldly words of wisdom because the predicament itself baffles me to no end. All I could manage to say was, "what a jerk!!!we got enough shit to handle, tell him not to dump his on yours!!"

Here's the eternal question, what makes guys go hot and cold? (Help me out a bit here, guys.) Is it the thrill of the chase and suspense in the waiting game that excites and bores them altogether, or the mind games that we play that makes them turn from chicken- chilly to coleslaw salad?? Is it our expectations or their demands that goes wrong?? Is it us or is it them that goes wrong??

 Seriously, what is it???? And I draw a blank there awaiting at least a clue.

Why I'll be doing what I'm doing on Valentine's day.

 (For anyone who can relate to what I'm writing, shout out "hell yeah!!!" every time a word strikes you.)

With valentine's day just around the corner, I'm faced with the dilemma on whether I should stay home alone or party with my friends. If for a fleeting second you thought of the first one, and if you were at a game show, you'd get a loud buzzer for that. Because you are absolutely wrong. To hell yeah!! I will be partying with my girlfriends.

Why am I so persistent about the whole 'going out and having fun with my girls' affair will be attempted for justifications in the following reasons.

Staying home alone will be pretty difficult to swallow the bitter pill, as you'd be reminded of those memories of the day that was 364 days ago which you spent with the one whom you thought was 'The One'. And these memories and reminders will only be fueled up by the sappy love songs that will be repeatedly aired on any goddamn music channel or by the re-runs of some love themed soaps and serials and the mushy-mushy romantic movies about love at first sights and happily ever-afters. Trust me, that's the last thing you and I need.

 Facebook, who wants to be stuck home alone with Facebook and constantly logging in and out every 10 minutes to check the status updates of similar people like you who are either totally oblivious that its even valentines day (for obvious reason) or had such terrible luck at finding love henceforth decided to become anti V-day or admitted to failure. That latter person is usually and probably the one who comes up with all those fabulous, target-hitting one-liners and quotes about break-ups and getting-overs which you receive as forwards from your friends in your mobile. So facebook on Valentine's day? Pass!!

On any other day, I'd take the advice from anyone who'd tell me to sit at home, sip a glass of wine or down a few pegs of whiskey, try and listen to some good music or talk to a friend, but on this day, no thanks!! The climax of that evening would turn out to be entirely embarrassing to bear the days that follows. So if anyone has been advised on that, please avoid.

Books, Hmmm… give it a go but I doubt that would work. Picture this, you're laying on the couch with a really good book but no matter how intriguingly the plot thickens, I'm sure that your eyes will be fixated on the book all the while but your mind will refuse to be a part of your body. It will start to wonder what he would be up to, whether he's out on a date with someone new or partying with friends celebrating his new found freedom or will he be sitting at home alone like you, feeling lonely and miserable. Then you'll begin to contemplate on the idea of calling him (and actually end up doing so) just to see how he's doing, for old times sake. I can only imagine the aftermath of the phone conversation.

I can give more reasons on why one should be out with friends on Valentines day but I believe that'll suffice.

So I'd rather dress to kill for my own satisfaction, put on my sexy 5inch stilettos  and go out with my besties, drink cheap wine, indulge in  constructively  nonsense conversations, which apparently will make complete sense after a few glasses, do the drunken I-don’t-give-a-damn-whoe-stares-at-me-dance and head back home only to get up the next morning with a very nasty hangover and the inability to remember any damn thing that happened the night before. Still it doesn’t matter, its far more better than the consequences of the ones mentioned above.

 Please note: I am not against anyone who wants to celebrate valentines day with their loved ones, in fact I'm the biggest supporter of it. I have always been romantically romantic about romance. So romantic that I'll be celebrating it in my own 'single' way this year. And of course, all the ingredients for the perfect valentines day would be there- the wine, the music, the roses, the gifts, but this time, I'm doing it just for me, myself, and I.
                                Happy Valentine's day everyone!!!!